The day my father left us.
On May 16, 2013.
This time, I don't have to worry about not seeing you again, dad. Because we will all reunite in heaven, together with our Jesus and our Lord. ♥
I remember it so clearly, I was in the store when my mother called. My brother was the one who picked up the phone.
Suddenly, my brother yelled, "Dad can't breathe! hurry!!"
I was in between of reality and imaginations. I don't know if it were true. The reality never sunk in that moment. I thought I was dreaming. I thought it was all me. I thought it was all just a prank.
But after seeing my brother so panic and so out of himself. I was finally convinced that it was true, that it was not a dream, imaginations nor a prank. This is the moment when all things became important, and every seconds of that time was very important.
I hurriedly ran outside the house with my brothers, leaving behind the store. Who cares about the store when my father is in that kind of state??
While we were on the cab, me and my brothers kept on praying to God non-stop. We prayed to spare my dad's life. When we got to the hospital, we asked the information desk on what door number is our dad. They said the number and we rashly run to the stairs.
When we arrived on the 4th floor, I saw my mother outside the room, talking with my dad's doctor. My mom's face was so troubled. And in an unconscious moment, my feet and hands began to trouble as I kept nearer and nearer to the door, that seemed to be the most scariest thing that I've ever seen and felt in my entire life. When I finally arrived, there were nurses and doctors everywhere. They were pumping my dad's heart, in hope of him being revived. As I was standing with my stoned-body, the only thing I could hear was the sound of the ECG. It made my heart beat in panic.
I can't take it anymore. I can't stand there looking at my dad, as he fights for his life. So, I ran outside the room, and into the hall. I found a dark place where I could be alone. At that place, I prayed to God desperately, seeking for his mercy and his grace. I cried, but not too much. My hands were still shaking while I sat there, almost losing my sanity. While I was praying, a feeling came to me, a feeling that I was not sincere, that I was just blurting words and words just to save my dad. I was only thinking of myself and I was not thinking of God because I half-didn't believe that he would revive my dad.
I was a christian ever since my childhood. But now that I think about it, I was only a christian by religion only. But at some point of time, I believed in Jesus, I believed in the Holy Spirit and also the God of all Gods.
And then, my brother came to me with a loud voice. I can't hear him since he's not being very clear. At first, I thought he was laughing but as he came nearer to me, I could hear his voice clearly. He was crying, together with my little brother. "Dad is gone!" He cried loudly.
I was shock and I almost can't believe it. My dad...my dad was gone?? Was this true? Wait no...he's just sleeping, yeah...he's probably sleeping. Don't worry about it... I'm alright. I would see him after all this was over...this is just a terrible dream...just a nightmare. I would wake up soon..
I was not crying when all my two brothers were crying. I was staring at the ground, staring like a broken doll. But I knew that I need to comfort my brothers, so I told them that Dad is in heaven. They also agreed. So, their cries lessen a little.
I went to my mother and I saw her sitting beside my dad. Her eyes had dried because of too much crying.
And then, I focused to my dad's lifeless body. I touched his cold feet with a sorrow feeling within my heart. My dad had left us. Suddenly, all memories of him came showering on my mind. The time when we fought, the time when I got him angry, the time when all of us laugh, the time when all family ate together and the time when we talked about God.
He was a christian, he believed in Jesus and his life was devoted to only serving him. I would see him reading his bible every night and when trouble comes, like the time when his heart started aching, he immediately got up and read the bible for 3 hours straight. Can't you believe it? The most trouble times he had, he spent it with the Lord. He never complained about his illness nor he cries about it. He was a strong dad. A very kind and loving father. He was loyal to my mother and he really loves us. He also served the Lord with a loyal heart, that is why I was moved by his loyalty towards God.
I started thinking about God and I came to this conclusion. I need God and I can't live without him.
The day of my father's burial was also the day that I will attend the youth camp. It was a perfect timing. It felt like God has planned all this.
Before my father passed away, I was enslaved by my computer. I can't live without my computer and when my parents try to take it away from me, I get very angry. I was worshiping this computer, it is because I put this computer before God.
And God planned to free me from this slavery. The reason why he took dad with him, was because he wants me and my family to come to know him. He wants us to realize that he is powerful and majestic. He is the alpha and the omega, the beginning and the end. He is love and he is merciful. He is everything.
After the camp, I had realized all these things. I was happy and excited at the same time, happy because I had come to know the Lord once again, and excited because I can't wait to share this to everybody.
I wrote this blog, in hope of you, finding The Lord. May God open your heart and your eyes so that you'll come to know his amazing grace and his amazing love.
Remember, all glory goes back to him since he is the creator. The God of all Gods, and the King of all Kings. ♥
Prayer: " Almighty and powerful Father, may you open our hearts and our minds to the things unseen. May you help us see your amazing grace and your amazing love to us. I give my life into your hands. Thank you God for giving your son to die on the cross for our sins. Thank you for everything. In the almighty name of Jesus, Amen. "
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